Big girls don't kiai... why?

I was in a martial arts class back in the '80s when someone first talked about watching babies to relearn how to breath.  Since then I've also studied babies to learn how to get a really good stretch.    It appears that for many people the process of growing from an infant to an adult involves the corruption of basic functions: sleeping, breathing, and stretching.  It also leads to the "modulation" of the expression of basic emotion.  Certainly there is often a true necessity to this in our adult life.  Since I began working on an inpatient unit I've experienced several patients who actually cry just like an infant and it is one of the more disturbing experiences I've ever had.  Aside from this extreme example, I believe crying is generally an under-utilized behavior.

When I am training in a dojo here in Buffalo, I find it intriguing how many students will not perform an audible kiai -- a short yell or cry before or during a technique.  This is one of the few settings where making odd yells should not get you negative attention.

As an aside, in truth, the sound is not critical.  A powerful yet relaxed exhalation of air, coordinated with movement, is what is actually necessary for the technique to be most effective.  The audible just helps me as a teacher to get an easier sense of the student's breathing, posture, and focus in a technique.

But, it is surprisingly common for a student who is not using an audible kiai to still not really kiai even after you insist that they do so.  Why?  I tell them it will help startle their attackers.  I tell them it will psyche them up for the brief struggle to come.  Sometimes I may even remember to tell them how the kiai helps engage key muscles that will help protect their internal organs.  Still, they often mew like a kitten or make no noise at all.  Even with permission, yelling or crying, despite the context, is resisted by adults.  I suspect for many of those students it is simply a matter of being embarrassed to draw attention.  But for some I have found that it can be much more. 

You might think that people simply fear that crying would be viewed as a sign of vulnerability and/or weakness.  Despite this, I have had multiple clients who wanted help to be able to cry as adults.  These adults often shared the same story of being told by parents or childhood peers to stop "acting like a baby," in other words, appearing weak.   And some share that their parents would strike them until they stopped crying!  But as adults, they come to realize that they lack a critical function.  They notice that there are situations where others cry and they do not.  More importantly, they have the insight that this is not healthy.  Fortunately, after following through with the exercises I provide, they do cry and report that it was a great experience.  Some say they actually feel lighter and happier since they cried!

Next time I encounter a student who won't kiai, I think I'll tell them that performing an audible kiai does not make them weak it makes them strong.  More important, it could truly make them happier.